"Hunger Games" Casting Mania! (part four)

Whoa, slow down! Three new roles cast in one day! I guess now that they’ve got the Big Triangle, building the surrounding web of characters is much easier. Elizabeth Banks appears to be thisclose to landing the role of Effie Trinket (sorry, Chenoweth fans!), but in the meantime, we’ve got more photogenic kids on board!

The Role: Primrose “Prim” Everdeen, Katniss’s little sister. Aka, the most heartbreaking character in the trilogy. Yes, even more so than Rue. Prim seems a fragile victim at first, but she reveals herself to have tremendous determination and deep gifts. She’s possibly the main reason Katniss does everything she does, including dive into the Hunger Games in the first place.

The Actress: Willow Shields. No, not Willow Smith, Willow Shields. Due to the fact that absolutely no one knows who Willow Shields is, suspicious HG fans are latching onto the only thing they can at this point: her unibrow. I wish I was kidding.

My Approval Rating: 9 out of 10. I am wholly defending Willow Shields simply because I’m pissed off by the behavior of the unibrow-bashing fantards. These movies are going to make this lovely young actress into a star, and will people be harping about her personal grooming habits then? Of course not! Shields looks perfect for Prim: pretty and innocent, yet slightly weather-beaten, as if she’s seen hardship. Maybe I’m reading too much into her face, but I like her.

Who I Would Have Picked: If I had to choose a known actress, I’d have gone with Chloe Moretz, who can act her socks off. She’s about to hit puberty, though, so it might not have worked out so well. I mean, look at this picture of her. She’s already starting to get hot. Not appropriate for a half-starved Appalachia girl. No, let’s continue with the unknown actor trend.





The Roles: Glimmer and Marvel, the Hunger Games players from District One -- basically, a couple of vicious rich brats who get off on murdering the poorer kids. People we’re very eager to see die. (SPOILER ALERT) Glimmer earns a spot on Katniss’s shit list by claiming a bow and arrows Katniss covets, but ultimately dies an icky death from poisonous, hallucinogenic mutant wasp venom. (Seriously.) Marvel kills Rue, the BASTARD, and is then shot dead by Katniss. So, to recap: Rich people suck and we love to watch them die. Tee hee!

The Actors: Leven Rambin as Glimmer, Jack Quaid as Marvel. The former has done a bunch of TV work, while the latter is the son of Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan. Huh. Casting some kid just because both his parents are movie stars? How silly! As silly as whipping your hair back and forth.

My Approval Rating: 8 out of 10, I guess. I mean, why not? They’re hardly crucial roles and Rambin and Quaid basically have to be gigantic dicks and then die. Rambin looks sexy and blonde and plasticky, which is exactly how Glimmer should look, and Quaid just looks like some dude with goofy hair. I’m sure he’ll chuck spears with great aplomb. I have no beef with this casting.

Who I Would Have Picked: Hayden Panettiere as Glimmer, because I’d like to see her bring her remarkable powers of snark to this party, and also because of all the inevitable “Kill the Cheerleader, Save the World” jokes. Nicholas D’Agosto as Marvel, because ever since his derpy derp face turned up to help ruin Heroes, I’ve wanted to see it get shot full of arrows. Not that I’m petty or anything.

So, yeah. Pretty excited about Prim. And now I’m really curious to see who they get as Cato and Clove, the District Two psychos, who are even worse than Marvel and Glimmer. And is there still hope for Kristen Chenoweth? Stay tuned!

"Hunger Games" Casting Mania! (part three)

Put your party hats on. Uncork a bottle of champagne. Throw confetti and make out with an inflatable chocolate dolphin. The next young dystopian future heroes have been announced, and Willow Smith will NOT be appearing as Rue! YAAAAYYYYYY!!! To be fair, I don’t really hate Willow Smith, but casting her would have been a gigantic, obvious, gimmicky stunt. It would have been kinda funny to see her get (SPOILER ALERT) impaled with a big-ass spear, but not worth the fan rage. Unknowns are the way to go. So, without further ado...

The Roles: Rue and Thresh, the Hunger Games competitors from District 11, which is located within the former Deep South and has basically reverted to old-school slavery. YES, FOOLS, THESE CHARACTERS ARE BLACK. NOW STOP DEBATING THE SUBJECT. Rue is a resourceful little fighter with an incredible singing voice who becomes Katniss’s close friend and ally during the games, and (SPOILER ALERT) her death is basically the most tragic and poignant scene in the entire trilogy. Thresh is big, scary, and uncomplicated; he basically hides for most of the Games, saves Katniss’s life at a crucial point, then (SPOILER ALERT) dies offscreen. It’s the symbolism that matters.

The Actors: Amandla Stenberg as Rue and Dayo Okeniyi as Thresh. Trust me, I’ve never heard of them either, and that’s a GOOD thing. Both have one or two things on their resume, but they’re essentially brand spanking new to Hollywood.

My Approval Rating: 8.5 out of 10 for both of them. My usual benefit-of-the-doubt strategy works much better when actors don’t come with past baggage! At least this time, there won’t be any retarded fans going, “THEY HAVE THE WRONG HAIR COLOR BAAAAAAWWW.” I just watched Stenberg in some TV ads on YouTube and she has an open-faced loveliness that looks just about right for Rue. If she can avoid being “adorable,” she’ll do just fine. Okeniyi is a total mystery with practically no online information, but then, Thresh has like five lines of dialogue total. No reason why he won’t do fine as well. It’s nice to see star-making turns as opposed to “I’m-already-a-star-so-I’m-going-to-force-you-to-spend-even-more-time-looking-at-my-big-smug-stupid-face” turns. Have I mentioned how much Alex Pettyfer sucks?

Who I Would Have Picked: Absolutely no clue. Maybe if there were a teenage version of Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje, he could be Thresh. But then, I have a massive fanboy crush on Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje. Think I’ll leave this one to the professionals.

Gosh and golly, ain’t this casting mania exciting? They still have to cast the other teenage Tributes, including the evil District Two killers, Cato and Clove, and the sneaky survivalist girl known as Foxface. Not to mention Katniss’s sister, Prim, and a plethora of important adult roles! Can’t wait! And now, this hotness:



Mmmmmmmmm.

Top 10 Animated Movies

Great news! Animation isn’t just for kids any more! America has finally clued in on the fact that you can create a film of moving drawings and it can be more than mindless pablum for ADHD-stricken brats (though there is still plenty of that, make no mistake). Pixar is knocking down the barriers between kiddie yuks and adult humor, Japanese anime is reaching a wider and wider audience, and big-name folks like Wes Anderson, Zack Snyder, and Jerry Bruckheimer are experimenting with the medium of animation. Heck, these days you’re just as likely to find A-listers like Clooney and Brangelina voicing cuddly cartoon animals as playing real people! In light of this exciting revolution, I’m going to present my all-time favorite animated films -- from those that left a mark on me in my youth, to those that have inspired me more recently. Watch these if you haven’t already!

DANG-BLASTED’S TOP TEN FAVORITE ANIMATED MOVIES


The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985)
I must have been seven years old when I first watched Will Vinton’s claymation take on the life and work of Mark Twain, and I was sucked right into the trippy, surreal, funny, scary adventures contained therein. Vinton seems determined to get inside Twain’s complex brain, and he does so by staging a swashbuckling yarn in a strange meta-world where the famous author exists alongside his most beloved creations. With the unwitting help of Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, and Becky Thatcher, Twain boards a fantastical airship and sails the skies in search of Halley’s Comet; along the way, the trio of fictional kids dive headlong into some of Twain’s work and witness the antics of his characters, including the Celebrated Jumping Frog, Adam & Eve, The Mysterious Stranger, and more. All this is portrayed in an incredible, vibrant swirl of color and form where reality shifts and distorts according to the whims of the animation. I’ve never seen claymation this detailed; it’s truly a work of art, an impressionist journey through the psyche of a literary lion. It grabbed me as a kid and hasn’t let go since, and every time I watch it, I find something knew to marvel at.
BEST SCENE: The creepy Mysterious Stranger sequence is probably the most well-known part of the film, but I prefer the climactic chase scene, as Twain and the three kids literally pilot the airship through Halley’s Comet. It’s a tour-de-force of animated action and beauty.
*SLICE-OF-MY-CHILDHOOD SEAL OF APPROVAL*


Fantasia (1940)
Waaaaaaay back before most of us were born, Walt Disney was a man with a plan to revoluntionize animation. With him at the helm, Disney Studios created Fantasia, an experimental “concert film” that fused classical music with a variety of animated styles and themes. Walt D. hoped that the concept would grow and expand over the years. The experiment flopped (a new Fantasia wasn’t made until sixty years later in 2000), but that doesn’t stop the original from being one impressive movie. Each piece of music brings life and narrative to an amazing work of animation, and the sequences range from the abstract to the realistic, from slapstick to pathos. Enchanted broomsticks, Greek gods, dancing hippos, demons, dinosaurs, fairies, fish, and even stranger entities cavort to the music; there is no dialogue beyond a bit of narration from music critic Deems Taylor, but you don’t miss it one bit. I think Fantasia was a bit too ambitious for its time; audiences weren’t even used to feature-length cartoons back then, let alone a freakin’ “concert film.” But it has endured, and I love to revisit it.
BEST SCENE: I have to pick “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” just because it’s so iconic. (It’s where the image of Mickey Mouse in a wizard costume comes from.) But it’s a tough choice. The “Night on Bald Mountain” sequence, in which a vast demon presides over a danse macabre of ghosts, devils, and bare-breasted harpies, is about the most hardcore thing you’ll ever see in a Disney cartoon. In a good way.
*SLICE-OF-MY-CHILDHOOD SEAL OF APPROVAL*


Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
This movie fills me with joy and I don’t even know why. I can’t love it as a Roald Dahl fan, because it cheerfully butchers and/or ignores almost everything from his book. I can’t love it as a Wes Anderson fan, because I’m not one. Maybe I love it because there is nothing else quite like it in existence. I mean, here we have cute forest animals, crudely rendered in stop-motion animation, struggling to escape the crushing soullessness of their bourgeois existence by stealing farmyard produce. Here we have George Clooney and Meryl Streep creating a sexy, loving, and utterly believable married couple out of two gangly fake foxes. The soundtrack mixes the Stones with Burl Ives, the cinematography looks like a series of 4th-grade dioramas, Willem Dafoe voices a strutting Spanish rat with a switchblade, and the dialogue parodies yuppie-speak to great effect (“I have a phobia of wolves!”). I don’t know what to make of Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox, yet I could watch it again and again on an endless loop. It’s that....fucking....loveable.
BEST SCENE: Jarvis Cocker strums a banjo and sings his heart out while Mr. Fox and his fuzzy sidekicks rob the three evil farmers blind. And then they dance. And dance. And dance some more. And it is the weirdest, cutest dancing you will ever see, especially from woodland creatures. You will say “WTF” and then fall in love.


The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)
This movie was supposed to be your usual Disney fare: serious plot, lots of musical numbers, strong moral message, blah blah and blah. Thank CHRIST that plan went pear-shaped and the filmmakers scrapped the budget and made a screwball comedy instead. The Emperor’s New Groove is about the funniest, most irreverent thing to emerge from the Mouse House, in which the plot -- about a bratty South American ruler who gets turned into a llama -- is practically buried under a gleeful landslide of slapstick, sight gags, and flawless comic timing. Yeah, there’s still a moral message about respecting others and how money and power aren’t everything, but how great is it that they took such a crazy route to get there? The voice cast (David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt, and Patrick Warburton) are clearly having so much fun that you wish you were there for the recording sessions, and each setpiece is like an escalating explosion of belly-laughs. “Kronk, pull the lever!.....WRONG LEVEEERRRRRR.....” Thank you, Disney, for breaking your own rules.
BEST SCENE: Every scene with Kronk (voiced by Warburton), the calamatously dumb evil henchman who exists in a surreal comic world of his own. “Uh, is he doing his own theme music?” Brilliant.


Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Dreamworks’ animated films are very hit-or-miss; for every Shrek, there’s a Shark Tale. But I gotta say, they hit a home run with Kung Fu Panda, a slapstick-heavy homage to chop sockey that lovingly recreates the tropes of Chinse martial arts extravanganzas even as it parodies them. Jack Black voices a corpulent panda named Po who is inexplicably picked to be the Dragon Warrior, trains with Kung Fu masters, learns that It’s What’s Inside You That Counts, and so forth. If the plot moves along the usual rails, the sumptuous color pallette, atomospheric scenery, and blistering kung fu scenes make up and then some. It would’ve been easy to stuff the movie with obnoxious pop culture references and fart jokes and call it a day, but you can tell the filmmakers are in love with their subject matter; it shows in every floating cherry blossom and swooshing bamboo pole. Plus it’s hilarious. Plus Jack Black is actually not totally shitty and annoying for once. Whoa!
BEST SCENE: “You are free to eat.” Po’s mentor, Master Shifu, offers him a single dumpling...if he can get it. What results is a kung fu duel of epic awesomeness (to paraphrase Po himself) that’s so fast and funny you’re laughing five minutes later as your brain catches up. Second place: Bad guy Tai Lung escapes from a cavernous prison fortress and takes out a batallion of rhino guards while hopping across freefalling stalactites. BADASS.


The Rescuers Down Under (1990)
You never see this Disney flick on the lists of superior sequels, and it’s a total crock. Sandwiched as it was between The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, this adventure about two brave mice rescuing a little boy from a vile poacher got totally overlooked when it came out. I’m here to tell you to see this film because it is AMAZING. The animated vistas and landscapes of Australia are brought to dizzying, vertiginous life, and the action sequences are well-worthy of Indiana Jones and his ilk. There are no musical numbers, no princesses -- in fact, the one major female character, Bianca the mouse, is one empowered and resourceful lady, and her sidekick, Bernard, is totally pussy-whipped. Take that, anti-princess feminists! Seriously, though, this movie is unforgettable, and also carried a strong environmental message: the brave boy Cody risks everything to save a beautiful golden eagle from the creepy poacher in his giant killdozer. Kids will love it and learn from it. I know I did! As for the original Rescuers movie....ehhh, something about bayous and crocodiles. As forgettable as its sequel is brilliant.
BEST SCENE: Either the pulse-pounding “SOS montage” as word of Cody’s abduction travels to the Rescuers in New York City, or the jaw-droppingly gorgeous sequence when the eagle takes Cody flying. I should mention that this movie has one of Disney’s best orchestral scores ever; the music for both these scenes sends me through the ceiling with bliss.
*SLICE-OF-MY-CHILDHOOD SEAL OF APPROVAL*


Spirited Away (2001)
If only Hayao Miyazaki could live forever, making wonderful and timeless animated films. It’s so hard to choose a favorite of his, but I think I’ll go with Spirited Away. This movie is constructed with such love, devotion, and attention to detail that it leaves me breathless; it’s like an intricate puzzlebox that slowly unfolds to reveal one wonder after another. It’s about growing up, about shouldering responsiblity and learning to stand on your own two feet. This is dramatically visualized as the young heroine, Chihiro, becomes entraped within a marvelous bathhouse for the gods, run by a wicked witch, in which reality and form are as fluid as the play of light across water. Speaking of which, no one can fill a cartoon with quirky and lovable details like Miyazaki; listen to the little squeaky noise as the obese Radish Spirit waddles along, or witness the eccentric behavior of the Soot Sprites in the basement. Or the haunting, silent spectre called No Face, who morphs into a ravening monster when fed. Or the train sailing across the surface of an endless shallow sea. Or the three bug-eyed bouncing green heads. Or, or, or.....I could go on. Chihiro’s journey takes her through layers of dream and idea, and we follow along, entranced. This movie honestly gives me faith that the human imagination will never die.
BEST SCENE: Hoo boy. Every scene. Can I pick every scene? No? Okay, I’ll go with the train journey near the end of the movie. It’s so....quiet. So still. It pushes the pause button on the entire plot. For a minute or two, we’re just there with Chihiro and her friends, riding the train. Watching the dreamlike scenery outside. Thinking. Wondering. I get goosebumps every time.


Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation (1992)
I remember going to my grandparents’ house and watching Nickelodeon all day. Some shows ruled and some sucked, but I always danced for joy when Tiny Toon Adventures came on. Then I found this Tiny Toons feature film on VHS, and thus entered paradise. Like Animaniacs, Tiny Toons was hilarious, subversive, and funny on multiple levels, and the film -- which follows various characters through their summer hijinks -- took the brilliant buffoonery to the highest level possible. Buster and Babs Bunny are swept downriver and wind up in a parody of Deliverance. Plucky Duck joins Hampton Pig and his family for the road trip from hell, complete with a pork-eating psycho in a hockey mask. Fifi the Skunk pines for a stinky movie heartthrob whose resemblance to Johnny Depp is sooooo totally coincidental. The sight gags and pop culture references fly so thick and fast that you basically HAVE to watch the movie several times, and it’s so worth it. Solid gold animated anarchy. God, I hope this exists on Torrent somewhere.
BEST SCENE: After spending the whole movie in the car, Plucky and Hampton finally arrive at the glorious theme park of Happy World Land, and (spoiler alert) Plucky’s bubble of bliss is rudely burst when the pig family immediately turns around and heads home, declaring: “Don’t wanna overdo it on our first visit!” Comic payoffs rarely get better.
*SLICE-OF-MY-CHILDHOOD SEAL OF APPROVAL*


Wall-E (2008)
There is no way to pick the best Pixar film. Can we all agree on that? They’ve not made a bad animated movie yet, and it is SO BLOODY HARD to single out my favorite. But I guess....yeah, I guess it has to be Wall-E. Everyone who’s not living on the ocean floor knows why this film is so good, but let me just address what makes it so amazing to me personally: the silence. For a great deal of the movie, there are no human voices beyond a few faded recordings and the vaguely phonetic chirps and squawks of the titular robot, who has spent centuries tirelessly gathering refuse on an abandoned, trash-encrusted planet Earth. Yet the wordless Wall-E is as good a physical comedian as Keaton or Chaplin and as lovable as E.T. The romance between him and EVE (the sleek, sexy, feminine iBot who’s way out of his league) is hilarious, hopeless, and heartwarming, and the resulting sci-fi action shenanigans are driven, not by plot or by the need to blow stuff up, but by the simple bond between two robots who, like all robots, were built by us and represent everything we hope for and fear about ourselves. Think of that. Marvel on it. If Dreamworks had gotten their paws on this property, Wall-E would be screeching with the voice of Will Ferrell and using farts to propel himself. Thank you so much, Pixar, for being classy and old-fashioned, for knowing how to tell a perfect story. For tapping into wonder.
BEST SCENE: Wall-E’s befuddled courtship of EVE, as I said. Not only will it make you laugh and break your heart at the same time, it foreshadowed the even more sob-inducing wordless romance at the beginning of Pixar’s next film, Up. Grab a box of tissues and a bar of chocolate.


The Wrong Trousers (1993)
Long live Wallace and Gromit! The Wrong Trousers wasn’t the first claymation I’d ever seen, but one look at it and I knew this was something special, something charming and British and definitive. I only have to summarize the plot -- evil penguin uses pair of remote-controlled robotic pants in a diamond heist, only to be foiled by inventor and his dog -- and you want to see this movie, even if you’ve already seen it. I fell in love with Wallace, the delightfully dopey inventor in the tweed vest, and Gromit, his resourceful and long-suffering pooch, who emotes more with his clay eyebrows than many actors do with their whole damn body. I was genuinely creeped out by Feathers McGraw, the dead-eyed penguin bad guy. Each scene is constructed with loving attention to detail, and each gag beautifully sets up the next one in an escalating chain of craziness. British humor works by its own lovely mechanisms, and how lucky we are that comedy can be internationally shared! Wallace and Gromit have made a feature film and several shorts, all brilliant, but The Wrong Trousers will always be my favorite. It’s a perfect animated film to me.
BEST SCENE: The train chase at the end. And by “train chase” I mean model trains, as our heroes pursue their feathered nemesis around the living room. No scene can provide thrills and belly-laughs in such equal measure.
*SLICE-OF-MY-CHILDHOOD SEAL OF APPROVAL*

"Hunger Games" Casting Mania! (part two)

Awright, folks, the Hunger Games movie has its manflesh! Today’s casting news has sent fans into fits of rage, but then, ANY casting choice was guaranteed to piss off a certain contingent. Cooler heads (myself among them) continue to preach the “benefit of the doubt” doctrine. At least, to our relief, they didn’t cast a 25-year-old, a Disney Channel golem, or Alex Pettyfer. Who did they cast? Well...

The Role: Peeta Mellark, the baker’s boy, who is picked to compete in the Hunger Games and quickly forms an alliance with Katniss, his fellow District 12 contestant. A kindly and down-to-earth lad, Peeta’s also a keen strategist, and wins over the public’s sympathy by pretending to be in love with Katniss. Only it turns out he really is in love with Katniss, and she’s not sure how she feels about that. Their relationship takes all kinds of twists and turns, and at one point, Peeta’s brainwashed into hating Katniss by the bad guys. He gets better.

The Actor: Josh Hutcherson, who has appeared in such diverse films as Bridge to Terabithia, Cirque du Freak, and The Kids Are All Right.

My Approval Rating: 6.5 out of 10. I confess that I haven’t seen Hutcherson in anything unless you count his voice in Howl’s Moving Castle. He’s too old (again) and his dark hair and eyes are totally wrong for Peeta, but since they already picked a blondie to play the very swarthy Katniss, it’s clear they’re relying upon the magic of the makeup department. Hutcherson’s got a good backlog of film roles, so he’ll probably do okay...but can he be as likable as Peeta? Well, he does have one major thing going for him: he is not Alex Pettyfer.

Who I Would Have Picked: Jeremy Sumpter, from Peter Pan, Frailty, and Friday Night Lights. He’s even older but he looks very boyish, has the right hair color (plus an adorable Peeta-esque smile), and has won rave reviews for acting in the past. Why the hell did I never see his name up for Peeta? Hmmph.




The Role: Gale Hawthorne, Katniss’s lifelong friend, who joins her in hunting for food in District 12. Gale is a dark, brooding rabble-rouser who becomes a major player in the rebellion against the Capitol; he too is in love with Katniss, and jealous of Peeta, though he tries to stay noble about it. His role in The Hunger Games is fairly small, though he appears more prominently in the sequels. In the end (SPOILER ALERT), Katniss chooses Peeta, because Gale’s kind of scary and zealous while Peeta is a cuddly puppy who treats her right. This is another reason why Katniss is way smarter than fucking Bella Swann.

The Actor: Liam Hemsworth, star of The Last Song, where he played the romantic interest for Miley Cyrus. OH SHIT.

My Approval Rating: 4 out of 10. Sorry, but I don’t buy this dude. I know nothing about him, but he seems to hail from the Tom Hardy/Josh Holloway school of hunkiness: tanned, bleached, and fleshy. Whereas Gale is thin, rangy, and very dark in hair, eyes, and complexion. In this case, I can’t see how makeup will help. Also...Miley Cyrus and Nicholas Sparks? NOT THE BEST REFERENCES. Oh, and Hemsworth’s Australian. He’d better have a damn good vocal coach. Oh, well, at least he has one thing going for him: he is not Alex Pettyfer.

Who I Would Have Picked: Honestly, I’ve never settled on a satisfactory actor to play Gale. They all seem to be too old or too beefy. If I had to pick, I’d grudgingly go with Ben Barnes from the Narnia films, who looks perfect for the role. Problem is, Barnes hasn’t proven he can move beyond the bland, dashing style popularized by Orlando Bloom. But at least he’s spry!




Stay tuned. Plenty more roles to cast, teens and adults alike! I hope they can slip some quality talent in among the grown-ups! Oh, and please don’t cast Willow Smith as Rue, no matter how many meaningful phone calls her mommy and daddy make.

"Hunger Games" Casting Mania! (part one)

I recently got around to reading Suzanne Collins’s Hunger Games Trilogy and thought it was damn good. She knows how to tell a gripping story, that’s for sure; I had to read each book in one sitting. The adventures of Katniss Everdeen, a girl forced to compete in televised bloodsports in a dystopian future, have captured people’s imaginations all over the world and proved a wonderful antidote to the dreary romantic sludge of Twilight. To any young women who might read this, let me assure you that the steely, resourceful Katniss makes a much better role model than mopey Bella Swann and her dependence on clingy, borderline-abusive vampire men. I’m hoping you’re smart and knew that already.

Needless to say, The Hunger Games is being made into a movie series. Also needless to say, I and many, many others are waiting with bated breath to see if they fuck it all up. Casting will be key, as The Hunger Games is hugely character driven. All manner of candidates have been bandied about. Now that they’ve actually begun casting, I’m going to keep this blog updated with each new role and what I think about the choice of actor.

To begin...

The Role: Katniss Everdeen, the heroine and narrator. A sixteen-year-old from District 12 (a poor, coal-mining slum in what used to be Appalachia), Katniss illegally hunts and forages to feed her mother and sister. When the latter is picked to be in the titular annual killfest, Katniss volunteers to go in her place. Over the trilogy, she becomes Public Enemy No. 1 of the ruthless Capitol, winds up a pawn of the resistance movement, and (of course) is torn between two hot guys. It’s much less insufferable than Twilight, however. Good thing they cast Katniss first, because the entire story is literally seen through her eyes.

The Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, recent recipient of a Oscar nomination for Winter’s Bone, in which she plays -- get this -- a steely, resourceful teen girl from Appalachia who’s in charge of providing for her family. How convenient!

My Approval Rating: 7.5 out of 10. The angry voices of the fans are raised, crying, “Too old!” Lawrence is 20, which isn’t that much older, but still. Also, she’s blonde and lovely while Katniss is skinny, dark-haired, dusky-skinned, and tomboyish. However, I’m willing to give Lawrence the benefit of the doubt; she’s proven she can act, and seems smart enough to throw herself into the role. Dye the hair, lose the curves, learn archery, and she’ll make a proper Katniss. And after all, adults have been playing teens in movies since time immemorial. I’ll support Lawrence, though I’m curious to see how she handles the upcoming X-Men prequel, in which she plays young Mystique, i.e., young Rebecca Romijin, i.e., a total sex bomb. Can she do blockbusters? We shall see. But I’m hopeful.

Who I Would Have Picked: Jodelle Ferland or Saoirse Ronan, both of whom are actually sixteen. I heard Ferland was campaigning for the role, and the thing is, she looks a lot like Katniss already. And I thought she was good in Silent Hill. Her problem is that she was also in the Twilight franchise, which damns her in the eyes of Hunger Games fans. I gotta admit, I think it would’ve been kinda hilarious to rouse their ire by casting her. As for Ronan, she’s also got the Oscar nom, but has the issue of A) being Irish and B) having light hair, creamy skin, and pale blue eyes. It’d take a helluva makeover to turn her into Katniss, but I’m confident she would have pulled it off. Oh, well. Maybe one of these girls can snag a different Hunger Games role.

Stay tuned for more casting news! I’m biting my nails over the two male leads, Peeta and Gale. I swear to God, if they fucking cast that buffalo-faced lunkhead, Alex Pettyfer, I will throw such a tantrum.

Top 10 Video Games (old)

This is the very first video game list I did, back at the end of 2008. Since then I've played many other games, which means that this list would change if I rewrote it from scratch. But I don't wanna, so pretend it's still 2008, or just look at my "Favorite Games" lists from '09 and '10.

DANG-BLASTED'S TOP 10 FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES


10. Donkey Kong Land 2 (Gameboy)
Not Donkey Kong Country 2, but its Gameboy counterpart. I loved my Gameboy; it was my first-ever console. There were some great games to be had for that little handheld brick, but DKL2 was the first one that made me go, “Whoa.” The pre-rendered graphics of the DK series looked awesome on a Gameboy screen as well as on an SNES, and the gameplay itself was so weird and interesting! Pirate ships, and roller coasters, and you could turn into a spider, and there was a whole secret world to unlock, and, and....I could go on and on. And I haven’t even mentioned the extremely awesome music, or Dixie Kong’s ponytail twirl, which was like the most useful move ever. (Seriously, did anyone EVER play as Diddy?) The first DK was okay but too short, the third one sucked, but this middle child was freaking neat. Now that I have an SNES emulator, I really should find Donkey Kong Country 2. Because if it was this good on a mere Gameboy, just imagine....


9. Riven (PC/Mac)
I love the Myst series because it combines gorgeous visuals, mind-bending puzzles, and pacifism -- three things I can’t get enough of. It’s hard to pick my fave. The first Myst has grown dated, plus I can beat it in like forty-five minutes. Myst 3 was too short and too easy. Myst 4, while probably the best-looking entry, had a rather forced plot, bad dialogue, and jumped the shark at around the time Peter Gabriel started mumbling to you about spirit guides. And I hear Myst 5 is pure shit. That leaves Riven, an amazing sequel whose graphics are still eye-popping today, whose puzzles are pure genius and evil in the best kind of way, and which feels like an actual fleshed-out story rather than a series of episodes. It’s the only Myst game to be set entirely in one world, a world so real you can smell it. Everything flows smoothly, all elements connect, and solving that damn spinning dome puzzle is way more satisfying than shooting dudes in the woods. Sorry, Solid Snake.


8. Worms Armageddon (N64)
I said I enjoy pacifism, but comic violence is just fine. Nothing, but nothing, relieves stress like commanding little cartoon worms to blow the living fuckadoo out of each other. This game is absolutely nuts and utterly addicting. Swinging on ninja ropes, flinging explosive bananas and sheep and giant cement donkeys, screaming with rage when your worms wind up in the drink (“Oy! Nutter!”), cackling as you obliterate half the map with a Holy Hand Grenade, getting some friends and staging an invertebrate World War.....I love it, I love it, I love it. It makes me laugh and be happy. And there’s tons of actual strategy involved! You have to think fast, improvise, plan in advance, and alter your plans constantly as the very landscape is methodically blown to pieces around you. There are tons of games like this, but none of them have the same energy, absurdity, and all-around awesomeness as Worms Armageddon. Not in my opinion, anyway.


7. Banjo-Kazooie (N64)
Is it a run-of-the-mill Donkey Kong knockoff churned out during the glut of cartoony 3D platform games that swamped the market in the wake of Super Mario 64? Probably. But it puts a big grin on my face nevertheless. This bizarre, off-color odyssey, in which a cheerful bear and a cranky bird team up to battle an evil witch, is perfect fodder for a young furry-to-be and never fails to charm me. Like many games of my childhood, it now seems way too easy, but it sure as hell wasn’t way back when! And that damn Rusty Bucket Bay STILL makes me grind my teeth. But Banjo-Kazooie had real character and a great sense of humor to it, and since all gamers are nostalgic by nature, I suspect that no one will ever forget about it entirely. Forget that “Nuts & Bolts” travesty on the Xbox, kids -- Banjo and Kazooie used to bat for Nintendo, and they rocked.


6. Final Fantasy XII (PS2)
Shut up, okay? I’m still new to the franchise! The only FF games I’ve played in any depth are IV, X, and XII. I will get to the others eventually, and probably love them to death. However, in terms of enjoyment and immersion, FFXII narrowly edges out FFX as my favorite Final Fantasy entry thus far. Purists will whine about how they eliminated random encounters and made the game play like an MMORPG, or how they copypasted the world from FF Tactics rather than coming up with something new, but I really don’t care. FFXII has most of the best elements of an MMORPG (massive, nonlinear world; oodles of sidequesting) without the drain on your real life. I’ve spent somewhere in the ballpark of 150 hours playing it, and still haven’t made it to the end. Few games can hold my interest for that long. It’s gorgeous, it’s fun, it has dinosaurs, and I will defend it with my honor....at least until I start playing FFVI. Or FFVII. Or....never mind.


5. Conker’s Bad Fur Day (N64)
I still can’t believe they got away with it. He’s a cute little squirrel in an R-rated world of bathroom humor, gratuitous gore, movie references, and drunken pissing contests. Conker is the antidote to all the aforementioned cartoony 3D platform games, and the thing is, he’s better than the rest! The entire game was context-sensitive and everything you did was plot-driven, as opposed to most platform games, which are just massive scavenger hunts. Conker’s BFD ain’t perfect (the War Zone sequence sucks and goes on forever), but it was seriously ahead of its time. Damn you, Indigo Prophecy! Damn you for destroying context-sensitive gameplay! We could’ve had an entire franchise based around a foul-mouthed British rodent with a hot girlfriend who hits things with a frying pan! But NOOOOOO. Sigh.


4. Okami (PS2 and Wii)
A game this good was guaranteed to fail. Too bad, ’cause few games are this original or beautiful. You probably know the premise, but just to remind folks: you play as the Japanese goddess Amaterasu, in the form of a wolf, vanquishing demons from the land. The graphics are amazing, like an oil painting come to life. The gameplay is innovative and fun, revolving around a “celestial brush” that allows you to affect your surroundings with divine calligraphy. Apart from that, it’s an awful lot like the Zelda games, but since the Zelda games are supposedly really good, what’s the issue? Even without the hours of sidequesting, I could waste the day just running around enjoying the art design. Plus the game has aliens. It’s set in Japanese mythology....and it has aliens. There is no way it could be any cooler.


3. Yoshi’s Island (SNES)
Squeeeeee! I’m replaying it while writing this, and it’s just as great. I love how every now and then, they’re able to make a Mario game that successfully attempts something new and different (see also: Super Mario RPG and the Paper Mario series). With Baby Mario upon his back, the jolly green dinosaur-thing explores a series of quirky environments, eats bad guys, throws eggs, and is really cute all the time. I love the pastel graphics and unique gameplay, and even when the game is frustrating, I can roll with it because it’s so well-designed. As countless others have pointed out, Baby Mario is annoying as shit when you lose him and his piercing wails assault our ears. But I forgive the game for that one flaw. Thank you, Nintendo, for trying something different with the Mario franchise and producing such a winner! You managed to make a game that’s both adorable and badass.


2. Silent Hill 2 (PS2)
I’ve loved all the Silent Hill games (well, except the fourth one, obviously), but no other game apart from entry #1 on this list has sucked me in, creeped me out, and left me as satisfied as SH2. It’s the only game I’ve willingly played in one sitting. The story is so simple -- you’re just this sad guy pitifully searching for his dead wife -- and it’s all you need for a trip straight to hell by way of the abandoned, mist-shrouded town of Silent Hill, a place that preys on the mind and soul. What’s creepy isn’t that there are monsters, but that the hero is somehow creating them just by being there. Combine that with grimy, unsettling environments, a brilliant sound design, fucked-up supporting characters, amazing ambient music, and Pyramid Head, and you get a game that’s impossible to escape from even if you wanted to. Games don’t scare me very often, but SH2 fucked me up, man. And I loved every minute of it, from the dangling bodybags in the hospital to the corpse with my face to the flaming stairway. Playing this game is like eating a rich, full-course meal. That can rape and kill you.


1. Shadow of the Colossus (PS2)
With any luck, anyone who’s played this game can agree with me on how unique, atmospheric, and utterly wonderful it is to play. It’s a fantasy adventure that throws out most of the trappings -- lots of bad guys, a complex plot, weapons and items -- to focus on a young man, his horse, and sixteen titanic beings of flesh and stone that he is commanded to destroy in order to revive his dead lover. You are all alone in a massive, beautiful world. All is silent but for the howling of the wind. You can explore at will, hunting down the colossi and systematically engaging them in combat. Each dynamic battle is different, requiring patience, experimentation, and use of the surrounding environment to suss out your opponent’s weak spots. There is a deep element of tragedy to this game; the hero has suffered a great loss, but the colossi themselves are not evil, and there is something profoundly bitter about toppling each one. Bitter, but deeply satisfying at the same time. This game plays with your emotions and forces you out of the detached nihilism that normally goes with video gaming. It is haunting and sublime, flawed yet uplifting, and while it will scare away the macho, gun-blasting Xbox crowd, it’s a must for anyone who wants a smart, gorgeous, and provocative gaming experience. I absolutely love it and will return to it again and again until my PS2 gives out entirely. And then I’ll find it online. Because it’s worth it. Hell, this game was responsible for me buying the PS2 in the first place. It’s one of those games that redefine what’s possible.

Favorite Games of 2009 (old)

Did this back in the year of aught-nine, when things were different. Kids these days don't know how well they've got it, I tell ya. I should mention that these are my favorite games I FIRST PLAYED in 2009, not my favorite games RELEASED in 2009. In case you're easily confused.

DANG-BLASTED'S TOP VIDEO GAMES OF 2009


Chrono Trigger (SNES)
My ex-boyfriend introduced me to plenty of JRPGs, and you know.....this one may be my favorite. Not only is it colorful and gorgeous, not only does it rely upon a very cool and unique battle system, but the story is about the best story in any video game, ever. Time travel is a risky genre, but Chrono Trigger nails it with an epic tale that stretches across several time periods, sending the player careening from dinosaurs to knights in armor to postapocalyptic robots...and beyond. The story is jam packed with twists and turns that NOBODY would ever see coming, and it all fits together like an antique watch. Rich and satisfying, every moment of it. Shame that this didn’t spawn the same franchise as its cousin, Final Fantasy, because I’d be so happy if they were releasing Chrono Trigger 6: The Avocado of Time for the PS3 right now. Eh, maybe in an alternate universe.


Resident Evil 4 (GameCube, PS2, Wii, etc.)
What is it about this game that makes everyone love it? I barely have any interest in the RE franchise, or over-the-shoulder FPS’s, but.....fuck me, I loved the hell out of RE4. I think it has two big things going for it. One: a really well-designed game engine that works like a dream, including superior targeting, superior inventory, and a perfect difficulty curve. In other words, anyone can get the hang of playing it, but it offers a challenge to all. Two: the utterly retarded (in a good way) story about infected Spanish peasants and genetic parasites and all that jazz. Tongue planted firmly in cheek, the plot marches from one hilarious set piece to another. This game is FUNNY. And if you take out the NY, you get FUN, which this game also has in abundance. Not to mention replay value. Hell, I want to play it again right now. And, you know, Ashley wasn’t all THAT bad, people.

“Hellllllp! Leeeeeeeeeon!!!!”

Okay, maybe she was.


Sly 2: Band of Thieves (PS2)
I couldn’t decide which Ratchet & Clank game I liked best, but with the Sly Cooper franchise, it’s easy. Like the prime roast beef between two decent slices of bread, Sly 2 sits between Sly 1 (too short and linear) and Sly 3 (basically a glorified expansion pack for Sly 2). Sucker Punch Productions has my attention for how well they handled a stealth-based game and moved it seamlessly into a sandbox environment before every single fucking game had a sandbox environment. Yes, I get off on bounding across rooftops and picking pockets as a sexy raccoon thief, but such activities are honestly such fun that I could do it for hours. When the actual gameplay missions kick in, they offer an endlessly diverting series of challenges that never drag the game down. The pulpy, 1920s-style presentation of the story works great, and if you get sick of playing as Sly, there’s always his sidekicks, the face-bashing one and the bomb-planting one. But you will never get sick of playing as Sly, trust me. THAT is gaming done right.


World of Goo (PC/Mac)
I cannot say it enough: I ADORE this game. It is the sort of game where, once I start playing it, it’s near impossible to stop. Relying upon an endearing and quirky aesthetic and an incredible physics engine, this little puzzle opus works the gray matter in an almost sexual way, as you work in tandem with the laws of gravity and architecture to help cute little slimeballs reach their goal. I have no idea what’s actually going on in this game, story-wise, but you know what? More games could use a little surreal weirdness. (In fact, the three games I just listed have a good dose of it as well, hence my enjoyment of them.) I am praying they make a sequel to World of Goo, possibly entitled Galaxy of Goo. Because, no matter how many hours one can spend playing with goo that bounces, connects, drips, sticks, explodes, flies, and hacks computers, it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. The goo has me! Bow to the goo!